The algorithm is protecting them.
You’ve swiped through every fictional human in a 50-mile radius of disappointment. Mr. Teddy Bear suggests a snack and a redo.
Swipe, or use the buttons. Hope is optional.
Emergency toolkit
Cringe pickup line generator
Scientifically engineered to end a conversation in one sentence. Tap until you find one that hurts just right.
“Are you a parking meter? Because I’ve got about twelve minutes of charm and then it gets weird.”
Dominic Schmidty
@DominicSchmidty · 30 · Comedy YouTuber
📍 The comments section, plus one (1) bedroom studio of destiny
About me
Professional over-sharer. I make unhinged comedy videos, give theatrical rants, and share custody of a very handsome teddy bear. My last “date” was a typo in a group chat. Looking for someone who laughs at my jokes and doesn’t sprint when I introduce Mr. Teddy Bear (he’s the emotionally stable one).
- Red-flag stats (self-reported)
- Will absolutely make a short film about this date
- Brings a stuffed wingman and will not apologize
- Has a catchphrase. Will use it.
- Reply time: somewhere between “instantly” and “next fiscal quarter”
- Mom has not been consulted, but Mr. Teddy Bear already approved this bio
Emergency contact
Mr. Teddy Bear · Age: vintage · Job: moral support, silent judge, occasional co-star. Looking for: more snacks, fewer bad ideas. Compatibility with Dominic: 100%. With you: under review.